I loved you. I let you in. We disagree, but we recover or so I hope.
I did mess up. I opened up my heart to the possibility of a friendship to this level. I have not allowed it for over twenty years. This is why. I sit here with eyes swollen and welling up as I feel the friendship fading. Friends don't disregard friends, right?
It should not be like this. Adults should be able to work through their grievances. We are full of emotion and unable to communicate and I know me, I will let you go. When I was younger, I would hold on for dear life. I am older now, and not willing to risk myself for others, no matter how fond of them I am.
You are a runner and you want to know someone will chase after you. At first, I did. My initial reaction was to dig in, to try to repair the break, to work through the emotion. Then I was told to back off and respect a boundary. Against my natural instinct, and trying to be respectful of your wishes, I backed off. Even though in doing so, I know there will be a scar. I need to protect my sanity and myself. I have held on to too many relationships for far too long, I cannot do it anymore.
You may be free. "Have time" my beautiful friend. If I am not worth speaking through your emotions and you need space, then space you will have. Sorry. It is who I am.
How harsh is that?
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