Recently I heard a comment about growth. I wasn't thinking the growth was really my growth, rather the growth of another. Boy was I wrong.
I had to take some time to think about the growth opportunity. We were at a crossroads of sorts. Her learning to fly. Me letting her fly solo throwing caution to the wind. Whether near or far as a mom you always have a eerie sense of worry for your kid. It never really goes away. My mom is in her eighties and she still feels the worry of her kids.
Nonetheless, adjusting my comfort zone to let another sink or swim on their own was as much about my growth as hers. As you have a child become an adult, you can only hope they remember every life lesson you gave them. Direct or indirect lessons of all kinds. The life experiences along the way. The life lessons that should influence solid decision making. That is just so easy to say. The reality is always much different.
Despite what you teach along the way, it is ultimately on them to find their moral compass. To make good choices. To surround themselves with a tribe that is good company. Sometimes this doesn't happen on day one. Sometimes there are mistakes or bumps along the way as they spread their wings.
All you can do is guide, cheer and support from a distance. The passenger seat. You don't get to choose their spouse. You don't get to choose if they have kids. You don't get to choose where they live. Your life and role in their life shifts. This is as much about your growth as theirs.
Girls may grow through this phase of life at different speeds than boys. No two kids are the same despite the same upbringing. I should know this myself just by looking at myself and my siblings as adults. So many differences yet same household growing up. Each of us took different paths. Each totally different lifestyles. None of which are wrong. Just different.
I've been at peace for a while on what I can control. What I can teach in the final days. What could be on the horizon. Once that peace is engrained in my mind, I am able to focus on what's next for me.
This is my growth opportunity. New hobbies. Time to travel. Goals to achieve. Time to prep for my next adventure stage of life. Things will be different. There will quieter times. There may even be gaps in excitement. This is where I again need to refocus on what's important for me now. How do I grow?
Cleansing my mind.
Letting go.
Closing my eyes to see what I desire.
The day dreaming.
The growth.
The opportunities.
My time has arrived.
Her time of need is in the shadows.
Off to college she goes. Off to master life as an empty nester for me. Each flying solo in their way. Why did it take me to today to realize this?
Off we go.
New chapters loading.
Out with the old.
In with the new.
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