I'm at a stage in life that seems challenging at best. It's almost hard to breakdown each component but I decided I'd write about some of it.
First challenge is movement. In the past six weeks I've gone from feeling amazing to battling injury after injury or aches. It's not been fun. It's been painful many days. It's also been humbling to be sidelined a bit from what I enjoy most. I guess that makes me agitated in other areas of life.
I've been to the doctor. I've been to the doctor again. What's changed? Did you have an accident? What caused this? Why doesn't the firm or doctor ask if I'm having menopausal symptoms? I mean I get asked if this is a worker's compensation injury every time!
I want to say thank you to menopause for the instant list of ailments but I can't really conclusively prove it. I will however say my long list of ailments go hand-in-hand with what many women note as issues, or at least google tells me that and so do the one million ads that pop up on my phone. I just didn't expect it to hit me full force without notice. Am I paranoid? Some days I feel that way. Am I a chronic complainer? Some days I feel like it. Do I have pain? Most days. Is this all a change from a short time ago? 100%
In the midst of change is also worry. The routine breast exam. Then the mammogram. Then there is the breast exam recheck. The extra squishing of the boobs to see if you have cancer. That sounds awesome, right? I'd say no it's not fun. I'd also say it's not fun to have more than once. Then it's the ultrasound. A deeper dive into your boobs. What's next a biopsy? Joyfully, nope. A probe into your breast to place a marker and obtain a tissue sample. I will definitely reframe this but amidst all else it just creates a shit show theme. For some it's good news. For others it's not and that process requires so much more than I can explain in this post.
As we move on to just being busy. Events galore. Year end wrap up on steroids for school events. Graduation parties. Travel. Endless to do items. The joy and fun of everyday is mainly bundled with have to appearances and must do now items. Exhausting is the word that comes to mind. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Add these items on to the icky menopausal stage of life and boom. One day you might cry. The next day you might scream. You might even enjoy your solitude. You might even forget stuff amidst a brain fog episode. Go figure.
Space. No personal space. With life being front and center, it's full of people. Everywhere I turn. Work. Home. Gym. Store. Events. It's peopley and when you are really overstimulated and over scheduled the last thing you want to deal with is people. Let's face it people are messy and when you're in my shoes people avoidance seems almost a necessity! Decompression time is a mental health checklist item these days. So is yoga and deep breathing exercises.
Today I'm celebrating a sleepless night.
Today I'm appreciative of having my body working at maybe 80%.
Today I'm avoiding people as in holiday gatherings because I can.
Today I'm at peace.
Tomorrow I'm not looking forward to. It's a work day. Less time to recover. More have tos.
As I close out this post I should note I started it a while ago. I revisited it and sometimes just stared at the content. Today I wrote a little more and decided to close it out. One of things I control in life is what I elect to write about and choose to publish. Some days I may think I over share. Some days I wish I shared more. The constant irony.
No matter the day, I'm always glad I have an outlet. An online journal that is open to others. I don't care what the comments are. I just care that I was true to myself in the process.
Much love from the sleepless night crew. Much strength going to those working through menopausal symptoms. Much thanks to all those displaying patience and support to loved ones in the icky stage.
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