As homeschool moms, we juggle a myriad of roles, responsibilities, and emotions. So much so that we don't take responsibility for taking care of ourselves.
When we don't take responsibility for nurturing the nurturer in our homeschool family lives, we feel unsupported, unable to be our true selves, and experience stress in our relationships, and homeschooling and well-being will suffer.
Today, I'll share Riley's story on building an authentic homeschool life and how she uncovered valuable lessons that can enrich our authentic homeschool life too.
If you want to live an authentic homeschool life, let me introduce you to Riley.
Riley is a dedicated homeschool mom of five. She loves hanging out with her kids, delights in the learning opportunities they share, and makes the homeschool co-op a delightful place to be.
Her journey is an example of the challenges many of us face, too. She tries to balance the needs of her children with her own needs: almost always, the kids' needs win out.
She is incredibly empathetic, always anticipating others' needs, yet often second-guesses herself when she makes decisions. Riley struggles with setting boundaries, fearing she will disappoint those she cares about.
Despite her deep desire to connect with others, she tends to hide her true self, as she is worried about being judged or not fitting in.
However, Riley is committed to personal growth and that's why she initially joined me to learn more about coaching.
Riley's challenges...
- She doesn't talk to herself as kindly as she talks to her kids.
- She puts others' needs ahead of her own (& forgets what hers are).
- Afraid she'll not give her kids what they need if she doesn't put her kids' needs ahead of her own.
- Anticipates others' needs but discovers later that she is incorrect in her assumptions. (But she consistently spends too much time trying to figure that all out).
- Consistently asks others: "Are you okay?"
- Feels the need to make community wherever she goes.
- Feels that she can't make interpersonal mistakes because she feels shamed and a failure.
- She has two experiences at the same time: one part of her knows she can't be perfect, and the other one is too afraid not to be perfect.
- She feels anxious about not having a community, even if they don't make her feel seen, heard, and understood.
- Also, she tends to hotwire relationships: attempting to connect with others even when she knows that how she's talking or what she's talking about isn't her truest self.
- Riley doesn't like disappointing others.
- She's afraid to show others her true self, in case they tell her that her true self is "too big".
- Doesn't want to sit still, so she is always on the go because it's too uncomfortable sitting still and feeling her feelings.
- She has an awareness that "this is all she's got, so she has to make it work."
When Riley & I met throughout our twelve sessions, she assumed I just showed moms how to set up their homeschools or overcome limiting mindsets around home education.
It turns out that life coaching is so much more!
Initially, I asked her a variety of questions to begin our quest for her clarity:
- What specific goals do you have for your writing practice, and how do you envision these goals helping you gain clarity?
- Can you identify any specific instances where you felt your boundaries were violated or where you struggled to assert yourself?
- How do your past unhealthy, intimate relationships influence your current behavior and beliefs?
- What does acceptance mean to you, both from others and from yourself?
- What would it look like for you to truly prioritize your own needs and well-being?
- How do you define authenticity, and what steps can you take to align more closely with your true self?
- How do you currently handle critical voices or negative feedback, and what strategies will help you respond in a way that protects your self-esteem?
- What would it mean for you to feel significant and worthy of attention and care?
This is what Riley and I learned about her challenges to live an authentic homeschool life:
- Riley had past traumas, present anxieties, and yet a deep desire to be her truest self.
- She wanted a deeper sense of purpose and direction in her life.
- Riley wants to avoid saying yes out of fear and to establish healthy boundaries.
- Riley's anxious attachment leads her to fawn and overly accommodate others to keep relationships intact.
- Her desire to be authentic, accept herself, and stop betraying her needs and desires grew out of a desire to nurture herself as she was nurturing her kids.
- She wants to stop "hot wiring" relationships and determine whether they truly serve her needs.
- Riley feels isolated and craves external validation and acceptance because she doesn't feel worthy.
- Riley wants to be more present and manage her responses to others more effectively.
- She wants to stop responding to critical voices and declare what she knows to be true.
- Riley wants her writing to have a purpose beyond journaling.
- Riley's hypervigilance and feelings of being undeserving are tied to her self-worth. Her relationship with herself is mostly critical and self-shaming.
Early in our coaching program, I helped Riley clarify what she wanted. "If she could wave that magic wand, what would she want for her and her kids," I asked her.
Though her goals were clarified throughout our coaching program, she established her intentions toward an authentic homeschool life.
She declared, "I can speak my truth, I can accept myself, and I can even like being with myself". She finds a place on her mirror to write those words and repeat them to herself each day.
You can grab your Homeschool Mama Daily Affirmations here if you have yet to create your own intentions.
I am her gentle accountability partner, her cheerleader, her clarifier, and also her challenger. She puts the strategies into place, experiments with them, learns why they sometimes don't work, then tries again. We reconnect in our next coaching conversation and in email whenever she needs.
Here's how I supported Riley to grow into an authentic homeschool life:
1. Personal Development and Emotional Well-Being
- Helped her create a structured routine that allows her to process her thoughts and feelings, leading to a clearer sense of self and direction in her homeschool, relationships, and life purpose.
- Understanding and addressing the root causes of her anxious attachment style through deep listening and self-awareness exercises.
- Tools and strategies for self-acceptance and authenticity, including self-compassion practices and mindfulness.
- Exploration of past influences on her behavior and strategies to prioritize her needs.
- Interventions to address trauma, build self-worth, and reduce hypervigilance.
2. Confidence and Boundaries
- Confidence and assertiveness training to help her set and maintain boundaries without feeling guilty or fearful of being wrong.
- Guidance on evaluating and cultivating healthy relationships based on mutual respect and genuine connection.
- Cognitive-behavioral techniques to challenge and reframe negative thoughts.
3. Mindfulness and Communication
- Mindfulness and communication strategies to help her stay grounded and handle interactions thoughtfully.
4. Community and Support Systems
- Community support and building internal validation mechanisms to reduce reliance on external approval.
- A supportive environment for her writing, opportunities to share her work, and encouragement to be her authentic self.
In coaching, we engage all these questions organically over 12 sessions. These questions are not the same for each homeschool mom, because each homeschool mom is as unique as the fingerprints on her hands.
Every homeschool mom has many stories, many plots throughout her 30 to 55-year-old years (ps If you're 29 or 56, you're invited to chat with me too;).
I hold your hard stories with you.
I hear the common stories: losing your marbles with the kids, wanting to do right by your kids, but not sure you are, and wondering if you and your homeschool choices are good enough (NOTE: I just said those are common stories because they are. Your'e uncommon if you're not experiencing them).
And I hold the fun, freedom-filled moments in your life too: the ones where we celebrate the beautiful moments happening in your home, the ones where you experience lightbulb moments that shift how you're relating to a child or your partner, or moments where you shift in how you view an education, or the moments when you've had a life-shifting perspective that shifted how you felt about yourself and your life.
This is Me
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, and I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
--Song by Benj Pasek & Justin Paul
I don't think it's a coincidence that we met. Know that I believe we were meant to meet.
I had to live my challenging stories, and I had to begin my journey to unravel my challenging stories, to own my voice and show up here in Studio C (where I record my podcast), to be available to share my challenging stories so I could meet to connect with yours.
Throughout our time together, we don't just clarify the challenges, we also create actionable plans to address them.
My goal as a Certified Life Coach & homeschool mentor is to help you implement positive changes in your lives, and to create an A.C.T.I.O.N. plan to address them:
A = Assessment:
Assess the current situation and identify areas for improvement or change. This involves reflecting on challenges, strengths, and goals to determine the most effective course of action.
C = Clarity:
Gain clarity on the desired outcomes and objectives of your action plan.
T = Tools and Resources:
Identify the tools, resources, support systems, and perspective shifts needed to implement your action plan consistently.
I = Implementation:
Develop a step-by-step plan for implementing in your action plan.
O = Ongoing Accountability:
Continually monitor progress towards goals and objectives, making adjustments as needed. Regular check-ins help track progress, identify challenges, and celebrate successes along the way.
O = Optimization:
Optimize the action plan by refining strategies, leveraging strengths, and addressing obstacles that arise.
N = Nurturing:
Provide ongoing support, encouragement, and accountability to nurture your implementation process.
Actionable homeschool help for parents: together we create the A.C.T.I.O.N. Plan like Riley and I did…
Riley created this A.C.T.I.O.N. Plan…
A = Assessment
Clarify Values: Assess and clarify your family values, personal values, and home education values. This foundation will guide all your other actions and decisions.
Identify Emotional Triggers: Ask yourself why you're being hypervigilant in certain situations. Understanding these triggers is key to managing your emotional responses.
C = Clarity
Vision Your Perspective: Ask yourself in your journal, "What is the lens you want to use to see your world?" Decide on the perspective that aligns with your highest values and goals.
Define Your Highest Self: Regularly ask, "How is your highest self being invited to be present and even to play?" This clarifies the qualities you wish to embody.
T = Tools and Resources
Journaling and Self-Coaching: Determine to journal your thoughts and feelings regularly. This will be a vital tool for self-coaching and self-healing.
Creative Self-Care: Invest in creative tools and activities that fuel you. Actively share your story and true self with those you genuinely feel connected to. This step involves putting your values and clarity into practice.
Develop Mantras: Create and repeat personal mantras in the mirror. This reinforces positive self-talk and aligns your mindset with your goals.
All these A.C.T.I.O.N. Plan ideas don't arise in the first or second session, sometimes she discovers them along the way.
O = Ongoing Accountability
Routine Check-ins: Routinely ask yourself, "What story have you told yourself?" when you face challenges, particularly when feeling sad. This ongoing self-awareness will help maintain accountability.
Reflect on Children's Narratives: When faced with your children's challenges, ask, "Can my kids have hard narratives too?" This keeps you accountable for recognizing and supporting their experiences.
O = Optimization
Self-Reflection and Adjustment: Continuously reflect on your journaling and self-coaching efforts. Adjust your strategies as you learn more about your needs and responses, ensuring that you optimize your growth.
N = Nurturing
Foster Self-Loyalty: Commit to learning not to betray yourself. This nurturing step involves ongoing self-commitment and the continual encouragement to honor your true self in all situations.
This is the kind of homeschool help for parents I offer. So if you identify with Riley's challenges, book a no-obligation conversation with Teresa to clarify your challenges and craft your A.C.T.I.O.N. plan.
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Teresa Wiedrick
I help homeschool mamas shed what's not working in their homeschool & life, so they can show up authentically, purposefully, and confidently in their homeschool & life.
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