I haven't been on here in a while. I haven't posted or really even written in a while either. I suppose I could say that my inspiration has left me but that would be a lie.
With how the events of my life are unfolding it would make for an interesting tale.
I am making strides to become a better person but at the same time I feel as if I am stagnant. My eyes have been opened to a lot, not only about myself but about others as well.
I have high emotional intelligence so without words being said I can usually guess how someone is feeling. The only problem? I also have a guilty conscience.
I suppose with those two mixed together it makes for a confused and stressed Aunnah. I try to relax but really what is relaxing? I can't seem to figure it out no matter what I try. And if I do by chance find a small piece of reprieve it's effects are null once I step back into my life.
So what does that leave me with? It leaves me with a sadness that is deep inside me and weighs heavy on my chest. No matter if it is my fault or not I feel bad. It doesn't matter if someone didn't mean it the way I took it.
I dare not claim depression because I've been in that place before and that's not where I am now.
But this heaviness makes my chest ache and sometimes it's hard to believe that I've been so productive since it started.
When no one pays you any mind I guess it is easy to slip through the cracks of their attention.
There's a lot I want to do but then I can't do any of it. It's all just ideas I come up with to take my mind off of things. Because what I really want to do is lay in bed and cry myself to sleep. Because that's the only thing that seems to lessen what I feel.
Crying myself to sleep has worked so far. And they say if it's not broke don't fix it right?
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