Contents
- – Lost in directions.
- - Home
- - Past lovers
- - A broken self
- - Turning 30
***
About Me
A teller of tales, heart spilt onto papers,
sometimes to the ears of strangers.
An introverted girl, once a full-time traveller.
On the corner of old cities,
she lingers,
with her iced soy latte,
scribbled notes,
and a pen that feels like an old friend.
An evening self-hugger.
Find herself whispers,
There's no reason to be afraid.
A lousy lover,
Gets lost in loving others.
***
For those standing at life's crossroads,
struggling to choose between holding on and breaking free,
this is for you.
***
PREFACE.
I find myself in the cosy corner of Seniman Café in Ubud as I write this sentence, reflecting on a year-long journey since I began writing this book. An unexpected conversation with an elderly gentleman, who humorously offered a taxi service, broke the quiet ambience. He chuckled and shared, "I'm from Hawaii." I responded with a smile, "It's a beautiful island, just like this one."
It's moments like these that make me appreciate where I am. In Ubud, Bali, surrounded by conversations with strangers. I sit, typing away, living the slow life I'd once only dreamed of. As I look back at my life a year ago, I never imagined I would arrive at this place, both physically and mentally. But here I am, not only survived; I've thrived.
A friend once asked, "Your memoir? is it worth reading?" My response surprised even me, "Perhaps, for people who feel related" I once believed my experiences weren't worthy of a memoir, affirming a hierarchy of pain that considered some stories not worth sharing. Yet, here I am, writing to heal, not for validation but to offer comfort to those who resonate with my stories and my struggles.
This memoir is filled with unfiltered truths about my complex journey, marked by moments of clarity and confusion, joy and sorrow, and love and loss. It's a quest through uncharted waters, where the only constant is change.
Each chapter is a new act, a different facet of my life. A confusion of adulthood, the pain of a broken family, the memories of past loves, the struggle to piece together a shattered self, and the big, intimidating 3-0. It's all in here, laid bare for you to see. Through these stories, I want to show you that life's uncertainties don't have to hold you back. They can push you forward, even if it feels like you're navigating through unsettled chapters of your story.
This book wouldn't be possible without the unwavering support of the people in my life. To Ratu, you've been my solid ground, a constant presence lifting me since day one. To my cousin Dea, your unconditional love has been my anchor through this journey. To my brother Yongky, despite the challenges we've faced in recent years, this book is dedicated to you. Mom and Dad, your life lessons have been the driving force behind my personal growth. Hanum, my best friend since we were five, who's shared my dreams and heard all my complaints. Thank you for always being there.
"Unsettled" is a testament to the resilience we all have within us, proving that even when life gets messy, we can sail through those rough seas and find smoother waters on the other side.
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